


Llama Turf

by Nightfire_kVala



Series: Sleep Talking Gleek [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-12
Updated: 2011-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-27 06:44:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightfire_kVala/pseuds/Nightfire_kVala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for <a href="http://glee-fluff-meme.livejournal.com/374.html?thread=1949302#t1949302">this</a> glee fluff prompt. The first time the Hummel-Hudsons tried to combine households the results were devastating. Three days into their second move in, Finn discovers something about Kurt he would have never guessed. Epic!Furt bonding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Llama Turf

**Author's Note:**

> All of the sleep talking bits were actually said by STM; this English guy whose wife records him sleeping. If you want to hear others (they usually post one or two every day), visit sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com.

**Spoilers:** General season two spoilers, but if you've watched up to 2.16 you're good.  


\---

Finn had only been in the same room with Kurt for a few days (the second time they tried living together) before he noticed it. At various points of the previous nights, Finn would be startled awake, only to have no idea why. Finally though, Finn had had enough. Taking a video recorder to the basement, he set it up over his bed – hopefully tonight he would figure it out.

After some nice brotherly type bonding (surprisingly enough, Kurt was amazing at Halo) both Finn and Kurt settled into their respective beds. It was then that Kurt noticed the camera.

“Finn?” the look on Kurt’s face was strange, kind of like when Finn had told Kurt about Quinn’s magical hot-tub. Finn paused for a moment – was it still magical if Drizzle wasn’t his? Drifting off, he was brought sharply back to reality as Kurt threw a pillow at his face. The look had shifted from vaguely interested to his best ‘bitch-please’ face - Santana and Brittany had been talking about it in Glee the other day.

“Yeah?”

“I realize I may shortly regret asking this, but why do you have a video camera above your bed?” Kurt raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

“Oh, well,” Finn stopped. He didn’t want to sound crazy! “Um, I think someone’s coming into the room and stealing my socks.” There. That was a perfectly logical explanation. Except now Kurt had gone a funny mottled shade of white and red, and his lips had thinned dramatically.

“Ok then. Just so you know, it’s not recording anything right now – if you want to catch this,” he stopped, closed his eyes, then continued, “sock thief, you need to press the record button and make sure the red light is on.”

Kurt watched silently as Finn clumsily rose to check the light, then sighed and said, “I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” And threw the comforter over his head before Finn had even touched the light switch.  
For his part, Finn settled down in his bed, smiling. He’d figure out what was waking him up tomorrow!

\---

Again, Finn jolted out of sleep in the middle of the night. Groaning, he turned to face the bedside table, and moaned at the time flashing mockingly at him. “3:42 AM!” He whined to himself, but punched his pillow in frustration and tried to fall asleep.

It was maybe a minute later that he heard the strangest thing coming from Kurt’s side of the room. At first he thought Kurt was talking to him, but he was saying some pretty strange things. Carefully, Finn got out of bed, and took the video camera with him. The red light was still on, so he figured he was good.

Warily, he made his way over to Kurt’s side of the room. Kurt hadn’t said anything else, but Finn kept the camera trained on him just in case. Nearing the side of the bed, Finn whispered, “Kurt? You there?”

Kurt sort of rolled on to his back, eyes still closed, and told him quite seriously, [“Ok: Jump position! Goddamn it, why do the jellyfish always get it wrong? 'Oh I've got my own in-built parachute.' So fucking what, get the basics right, dickhead. Otherwise, you're out of the free-form team. Bastards.”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/parachutingJellyfish.mp3)

Finn stared at him in shock. That was one of the first times Finn had heard him swear (Kurt said it was too plebeian for him, but Finn wasn’t sure what folding cloth had to do with anything). “Kurt? Are you awake and screwing around with me? Cos I got to say man, I don’t appreciate it.” Staring at Kurt for another minute, Finn decided that he genuinely was asleep. Slowly he began to smile. Kurt talked in his sleep! This was golden.

Keeping the camera close by, Finn sat on the ground beside Kurt’s bed and leant against his bedside table. He couldn’t wait to hear what came out of his mouth next. It was a few minutes later that the next gem came.  
Kurt moved a little, before exclaiming, [“Goddammit! Where's my bazooka? I put it on the ground, expecting it to be there when I come back. Have you been tidying up again, 'cause, I really would like my bazooka back. I don't know where you put things. Jesus! Cannot just leave anything alone, can you?”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/bazookaBack.mp3)

Finn started to snigger. He couldn’t wait to show this to Kurt when he got up. After waiting a while longer, Finn decided that Kurt wouldn’t talk again and so crept back into his own bed, switching the camera off.

\---

He decided to start asking questions casually when he got up later that day. Kurt had already left for some shopping date with Mercedes, and Burt was still lounging in his PJ’s reading the morning paper.

“So, um. Burt?”

He got a casual nod of listening. Finn tried again. “Why did Kurt get the entire basement to himself?”

Burt glanced up at him, questioningly. “The kid was always singing. The basement’s mostly soundproof. That way he could blast those Broadway soundtracks without me or the neighbour’s complaining.”

Finn frowned. That wasn’t really why he thought. “Um. Was that the only reason?”

Burt placed the paper back on the table, giving Finn his full attention. “Why are you asking me this? Are you  
too having any troubles sharing a room? Because it’s only going to be for a little while longer you know.” His disappointed gaze pierced Finn, who began shaking his head wildly.

“Nononono. Nothing like that.” As Burt continued to stare at him, Finn blurted out, “I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, so I put a video camera on record. Did you know he talks in his sleep?”

Burt started laughing. “He still does that?”

“Um. Yeah. I thought that’s why he was down there?” Finn’s voice rose at the end.

“Hell, son,” (it always gave Finn a warm feeling in his stomach to hear Burt say that) Burt was still sort of smiling, “It might have been a factor for Kurt, but I didn’t mind it.”

“Oh. Okay. I was just wondering.” Finn bit his lip, before continuing, “Does he not like it?”

Burt sighed. “He’s probably self-conscious about it yes,” catching sight of Finn’s slightly puzzled face, he elaborated “I don’t think he wants other people to know about it.”

Finn nodded his head vigorously. “I can do that. No one has to know.” He made his way downstairs. He knew that he had seen a tape recorder around somewhere.

\---

Finn broke his word approximately fifty seconds after Mercedes came down the stairs with Kurt. He had been fooling around on the computer (after getting the recorder all set up) when the two, laden with shopping bags, dropped them on Kurt’s bed.

“So Kurt.”

Rolling his eyes, Kurt responded, “Yes Finn.”

“You had some pretty funny things to say last night.” It was interesting to see how fast Kurt whipped around to stare at him.

“I – what?”

“Oh yeah,” Finn turned around and hit play. It had taken a while to get it to the right spot, but it was so worth it to see the look on Kurt’s face as he heard himself deride a jellyfish. Finn started howling with laughter, Mercedes smiling and giggling to herself.

“Finn! What – I can’t believe you!” Kurt was not so amused. His lips were pressed tightly together, and as his grip on his bags shifted, Finn was worried about getting beaned in the head with one of them. His eyes darted over to Mercedes, a flush rising in his cheeks.

Mercedes, however inadvertently, saved Finn. “Oh honey, you think I didn’t know? There was that time when you fell asleep at one of our movie marathons and told me, quite seriously, [that you liked me, but since I was French I couldn’t tell anyone that.”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/butYoureFrench.mp3)

That blush was steadily darkening. Kurt opened his mouth a couple of times, not managing to say anything.  
“It’s just – I don’t know. Embarrassing?”

Finn felt the need to interject. “No man, it’s totally awesome. I wish I did that.”

Mercedes nodded in agreement, “Its fine boo. Everybody has something like that – and it’s not like you can control it.”

The grip on the bags was slowly loosening, and the red tint to his face seemed to be receding. Kurt sighed, but brought a finger up threateningly, pointing at Finn. “Alright, but you can’t tell anybody else!”

“So it’s alright if I like, record this?” Finn widened his eyes hopefully. “It’s really funny man.”  
Closing his eyes, Kurt sighed deeply. “Alright Finn. Fine. Just, don’t go spreading it around.”

\---

And that was that. Mercedes had stayed for the rest of the day, and Finn had joined in on their horror movie marathon (how had he not known these things about them?). After Mercedes had left, hugging Kurt and waving at Finn, Finn turned to Kurt and said, “I set up a tape recorder for tonight – I hope that’s alright?”

Kurt looked at him irritated, “I said it was fine Finn, but you do realize that I don’t talk all the time right? It’s just going to be hours of nothing happening.”

Finn looked stumped. “Huh. Well, what if we found something that would only work if someone talked?”

He sighed. “Whatever Finn, I’m going to start my moisturizing routine.” Kurt strode into the bathroom as Finn made his way to the computer. It took some time, but before Kurt was out of the bathroom, Finn had found a cheap, voice-activated recorder online. He waited for a couple of minutes before he couldn’t stop himself.

“Hey, Kurt!” He yelled impatiently. Finn still couldn’t believe how long it took Kurt with all those products and things.

“What?” Kurt appeared in the doorway, arms crossed and his face looking like – well, sort of like that scene in the Emperor’s New Groove; you know, that awful green face mask thingy? Finn didn’t even want to know want to know what was in it. “Well?” One brow rose, although the bitch face Finn knew Kurt was making was less then effective when covered in green slime.

“Oh, I found something that would be good to use.” He tilted the screen towards Kurt’s direction, who barely glanced at it.

“Whatever. I don’t care.” He stalked back into the bathroom.

Finn smiled widely. That was basically permission, he thought to himself gleefully, purchasing the item without further consideration. He was beset by random giggles throughout his night-time routine, to the point where Kurt, once again, had to threaten him with violence.

\---

The next morning (although Finn had woken up once or twice, he decided to wait until later to talk to Kurt about it). It was actually really hard trying to listen to the entire night – which was mostly filled with the rustle of sheets, and some snoring from (more than likely) Finn. Finally though, as he was mindlessly shooting his way through BloodRayne (Kurt gave him a disgusted look, knowing the only reason Finn had that game was because it was filled with attractive women with bouncy attributes) on God mode when he heard the first utterance of the night.

[“I wanna be a bumble bee. But not a slutty bumble bee, going around, pollinating every flower it sees. I'm a one flower kind of bee. A monogamous bee. Monogabee! That's meeeee.”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/monogabee.mp3) Kurt’s normally precise diction was slurred, and Finn started giggling – grateful that he couldn’t accidently kill off Rayne as he completely lost his train of thought.

He was just stopping himself from gut-bursting laughter when the rustling of bedclothes grew more pronounced, and Kurt’s voice sounded almost confused as he uttered, [“Are you dead? Oh sir, are you dead? Hello? I- Oh, you're not… When's the earliest you can die?”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/areYouDead.mp3) Finn started to snicker, but then he totally lost it when Kurt added, [“Of course I'm wearing my thunder pants. It's Thursday. Friday is frilly pants day. Don't forget!”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/thunderPants.mp3) and accidently snorted pop up his nose.

He was still coughing when Kurt descended the staircase. “Oh man. This is amazing!”

Kurt looked as though he was debating the merits of answering him, before cautiously asking, “Are you referring to my inability to keep my mouth shut during sleep?”

“Yeah. Dude – you could be famous! Did you know you want to be a bumblebee? But not a slutty one?” Finn couldn’t contain himself, even as Kurt grew redder.

“I don’t understand why you find this so amusing Finn.” Kurt said tensely.

Finn stopped laughing at the tone in Kurt’s voice. “Why are you so upset about it dude?”

“Don’t call me that.” Kurt snapped. “I don’t talk like that normally, but do you know how mortifying it is to wake up and find out that you’ve yelled something obscene? I told my dad to fuck off once, did you know that?”

Finn made a face, surprised. Kurt chuckled nastily. “Didn’t you notice the amount of cursing on the tapes?”

Finn interrupted him, “But, it’s not, like, you control it, right?” Kurt looked at him like he was an idiot, and Finn hurried to explain. “I mean, your dad wasn’t upset about it, was he?”

He sighed, “Finn, that’s not the point.” Kurt waved off Finn’s attempt at comforting blindly. “I just –” he trailed off, eyes reddening as he blinked rapidly. Finn knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what the big deal was. It was just talking right? Kurt didn’t get on him for snoring, and it’s basically the same thing. As he told Kurt that, Finn realized he had made quite the mistake.

Kurt crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “No Finn, it’s not. I don’t know why I expected an ignoramus like you to understand, but I don’t like it. I don’t like being constantly reminded of the fact, and” his voice rose, “I don’t want you talk about this anymore!”

Finn frowned. “But, you said you were ok with me getting the recorder.”

Kurt exhaled loudly, throwing his arms up. “No Finn. I said I didn’t care. I don’t want to know what I say in my sleep; and I don’t understand why you are so fascinated with it.” He grabbed his messenger bad off of his chair, before storming upstairs.

\---

The voice-activated recorder arrived in the mail a few days later. Finn, still on eggshells around Kurt, left it lying on his bed instead of setting it up like he had originally intended. After that big fight (over nothing!) Finn wasn’t going to upset Kurt any more than he already had. Leaving to go hang out with Puck, he absentmindedly wondered if the recorder would even be there when he got back.

\---

Hanging out with Puck turned into a huge waste of time; Finn was so concerned about what Kurt would do when he found the recorder that he was slaughtered continuously, until even Puck asked what was wrong.

He sighed. “Puck. Sorry man, my head’s not in the game right now. I gotta talk to Kurt.”

Puck raised an eyebrow at Finn, before shaking his head as Finn stood up, ready to leave. “Whatever dude, but when they make you give up your man card because of this, don’t come crying to me.”

Finn waved him off, leaving the house quickly. Hopefully he would catch Kurt in a good mood – something that had been very rare since their fight.

\---

Clomping down the stairs, Finn was surprised to see Kurt sitting on his bed, playing with the recorder. He paused on the last step, and Kurt looked up and motioned him closer.

“I’ve been told – by various individuals – that I was too harsh on you the other day. We’ll give this a try, see if it helps me get over my embarrassment any, but,” a warning finger was held up, “nothing is to be posted on the internet for public consumption.”

“Dude, whatever. I didn’t mean for you to be all embarrassed about it, so don’t worry, it won’t be put up anywhere.” A smile slowly crept onto Finn’s face, “So does that mean you’ll listen to them with me?”  
Kurt sighed in exasperation. “Sure Finn. Whatever you say.” He stood up, making his way past Finn to go up the stairs. Finn reached out a hand, taking Kurt’s arm.

“I’m sorry too.”

Kurt gave a little half-smile, and then pulled away from him, continuing up the stairs.

\---

The next morning was the first time Kurt had voluntarily sat down with Finn at the breakfast table since the fight, and Finn was feeling pretty good about it.

“Do you want to listen to the audio after school?” The question, surprisingly enough, came from Kurt, who was fiddling with his utensils rather than eating.

Finn glanced down at his cereal. He couldn’t come on too strong here, but he really wanted to know what was on it. “Sure dude. I have practise though, so after dinner?”

“Don’t call me dude Finn.” Kurt sighed, “And alright.” 

\---

Finn’s day couldn’t have gone by any slower. By lunchtime, he was seriously considering ditching the rest of his classes and listening by himself. Only the appearance of Kurt, looking somewhat paler than normal stopped him. Instead, he smiled at Kurt, before trying desperately to make time move faster.

It didn’t work, but it took Finn’s mind off of the deceptively small recorder sitting on the shelf above Kurt’s bed for a while. He only got yelled at twice in his afternoon classes, but was almost too focused for football practise – he had to be reminded a couple of times that he was running drills, not playing the game.  
Finally though, he made it back home, where his Mom had cooked a fantastic dinner. Usually the best part of his day, Finn was fidgety and didn’t go back for thirds like normal. This garnered a raised eyebrow from Kurt, a concerned glance from Burt, and worried questions from his mother.

After persuading Carole that no, he had not caught a bug of some kind and stuck his tongue out at Kurt, who had drolly implied his unlikely actions were the result of aliens, he managed to get out of the kitchen. Following Kurt down the steps, he was almost bouncing from repressed excitement.

He stopped when he realized Kurt was staring at him like he was insane (to be fair, this was one of Kurt’s favourite looks when staring at him, but still). “What?” Finn whined, “I can’t be in a good mood?”

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose, but couldn’t help the small smile that grew on his face at Finn’s expression. “Just – get the tape.”

After fiddling around with it, Finn got it hooked up to the computer. Allegedly, it would download everything that had been spoken the previous night – whenever it was activated.

There were eleven files, which made Finn really excited. Unfortunately, the first four appeared to have been caused by snoring, and only lasted for a minute or two each. Finn looked completely downhearted after the second one played. He really wanted to hear what Kurt had to say subconsciously.

Noticing Finn’s expression, Kurt gingerly patted his back. “You didn’t wake up last night did you?” When Finn shook his head, Kurt continued. “You said that you had woken up for most of my previous speeches, so maybe I didn’t say anything last night.” He seemed a little too excited at that prospect.

However, Kurt had spoken too soon. The next bit of tape had him on it. [“Flowers for the lovers, schnapps for the thinkers, death to the vegetarians… I don't care if you eat fish, you give yourself that stupid name, you deserve all you get.”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/flowersForLovers.mp3)

Finn, after looking over at Kurt (who seemed a little pink but otherwise fine), started howling. A couple of minutes past before he was able to calm down enough to talk. “Kurt, man, what do you have against vegetarians?”

“I’m sure I don’t know Finn Hudson, but I do know your girlfriend is one, so that may be part of it.” The pink had grown to cover most of his face, but Kurt still seemed to be in a good enough mood.  
Finn playfully punched the arm closest to him. “No ragging on my girl Kurt. She told me that I’m obliterated to stand up for her.”

Kurt laughed a little, “Do you mean obligated?”

Finn shrugged, unconcerned. “Yeah that makes more sense. Come on there’s like six more files to go through!”

Another three of snoring, which prompted Kurt to ask Finn if he had considered breathe-right strips or some other form of anti-snoring aid, which Finn ignored completely.

Then there were two in a row of Kurt. The first sounded crisp, as if he actually was awake. Finn actually asked him, “Dude – did you wake up at some point just to mess with me?”

Kurt sighed. “Sometimes I wonder why I ever liked you. Really Finn, why would I wake up only to say that [my main aim in life was your face, and you'd better watch out?](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/mainAim.mp3) I had such high hopes for you as well.”  
Finn crossed his arms and pouted.

“Oh for – let’s just listen to the next one then?” Kurt pressed play, then blushed as Finn immediately regained his good humour.

[“Don't come any closer! You'll water down my greatness with your ordinariness. Fuck off!”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/waterDownMyGreatness.mp3) Kurt sounded almost petulant in this one. Finn, giggling madly, glanced over as Kurt’s eyes dropped and he fiddled with the mouse.  
His smile dropped, and he nudged Kurt with his shoulder. “We can stop you know. You don’t need to listen to it if you don’t want to either.”

Kurt raised his eyes, gave a half-hearted smile, and said, “No – it, it’s helping I think. Of course, I’m imaging saying all these things to Rachel, and the face she’d make would be pretty amazing.”

Mock-frowning, Finn pointed a finger at Kurt. “What did I tell you about making fun of my girlfriend?”

Kurt rolled his eyes, but the smile solidified as he played along. “Not to?”

“That’s right.” Finn told him pompously. “We have the one left – do you want to listen to it tonight or not?”  
Shrugging, Kurt waved a hand as if to say go ahead. Luckily (perhaps) the final piece was only mumbling – nothing resembling words.

\---

After that first hurdle, Kurt grew more comfortable with it. It became routine – after football or Glee, the two would come home to listen to the tape. Finn found unholy amusement in naming the sound bytes according to the message rather than the date. It was part of the glue that held the relationship together – and it continued through their parent’s marriage and Kurt’s transfer to Dalton (he brought the recorder with him, thanking his lucky stars that he had scored a single room through transferring partway through the semester).  
Instead of listening to them together, Kurt would send the sound files to Finn every day. The first weekend home however, Kurt was very surprised when Finn unceremoniously plopped down on his bed with his laptop.

“Finn, what are you doing?” Kurt asked incredulously.

“I saved the best ones in a separate folder so you could listen to them as well.” Incredibly, Finn’s cheeks tinted pink. “I – just, this was our thing you know?”

Kurt pressed his lips together, trying to stop the giant grin that was erupting. He only partially succeeded as he responded. “I guess it is.”

Finn grinned, and queued up the player. “This one is my favourite of the ones you sent me.”

Pressing play, Kurt’s voice slurred out, sounding almost confused, [“There was so much blood! Oh, there must have been at least five llamas. Totally unprovoked attack by those puffins. I managed to clip their wings. This is llama turf.”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/llamaAttack.mp3)

Kurt couldn’t hide the smile. Finn beamed at the visible unwinding of Kurt’s outer layers, and asked, “What were you dreaming about do you think?”

“Honestly Finn, I don’t remember any of my dreams. But anyway, you can’t talk when you’re dreaming – in REM sleep you’re basically paralyzed.” Kurt rolled his eyes at Finn’s wide eyed look of surprise – or possibly terror – before continuing, “I’m only talking during a lighter phase of sleep, and it’s my subconscious firing these off.”

Finn interjected, “I didn’t really understand that, but okay. I have a bunch more saved for you to listen to –” and he moved onto the next one.

\---

After that first weekend, it was common to see Finn make his way into Kurt’s room after he came back from Dalton. Even though they no longer shared a room in the new home, the sleep-talking that had helped forge their relationship held it together.

Even after the financial strain of going to Dalton grew too much for Burt and Carole, and they were forced to pull Kurt out just after Regionals, Finn and Kurt would make time for the recordings. However, Finn had been determined to keep Kurt’s sleeptalking ability between the two of them, so he had never mentioned it in Glee – or to Rachel, which was a lot harder than one would expect.

There was one final road bump to Kurt’s acceptance of his sleep talking and that was New York City. New Directions, having won Regionals, would be going to Nationals there. And although the news was met with jubilation (and in the case of Rachel and Kurt), starry eyed fervour, Mr. Schuester’s follow up quickly shut Kurt down.

“And since it’s so far away, we will be staying for a few extra nights. So, everybody, get your fundraising hats on again, because Figgins will not pay for this.” Mr. Schuester’s enthusiasm was infectious, leading to a number of suggestions thrown at him from almost every member.

Kurt, however, was pale. Even with New York almost 11 hours away by car, he had not thought about accommodations at all. The only people he was comfortable sharing a room with were Mercedes or Finn, but if Schue divided them up, there really wasn’t much of a chance of getting someone who wouldn’t bug him about his little problem.

\---

When it came time to choose their roommates, Kurt immediately latched on to Finn, even though he had been moving towards Puck. Finn looked down at him, and almost whined, “Dude, it’s not that big a deal.”

Flushing, Kurt peered around Finn at the other Glee members – no one was paying any attention to them. He hissed, “Yeah, but I don’t want them to bug me about it.”

Finn waved a hand in his general direction, “Don’t worry so much Kurt.” As Kurt continued to stare pleadingly at him, he sighed before agreeing to room with him.

While he may have been ok with Finn and Mercedes knowing (after months of de-sensitization), he dreaded the other’s reaction to it. He was silently freaking out about what would happen if Puck knew (although he had been fairly *nice* compared to last year), when Puck came up behind them, draping an arm around each of them.  
“Why shouldn’t you worry so much Hummel?”

Kurt froze, eyes wide. For once he was without a snappy comeback, and Puck’s teasing grin faded.

Finn sighed in frustration. “Kurt. Seriously. Just tell them.”

He had made no effort to lower his voice, which meant that more and more people were looking their way, taking in the frozen tableau. Mercedes strode over; she had quickly grabbed Tina when room choice came up and had missed the initial exchange, but she did not like the look of her boy.

When Puck saw the two-hundred pounds of furious black woman bearing down on him, he made the smart decision. Dropping his arm from around Kurt, he hid behind Finn. Who then promptly stepped out of the way.  
Puck raised his hands in defence as Mercedes began berating him. He was obviously trying to be nice, not saying anything as Mercedes ranted louder and louder about how Glee club members couldn’t make fun of one another about things they couldn’t help.

“Mercedes!” Kurt found his voice as she poked Puck in the chest repeatedly.

“What boo?” she looked over at him, Puck taking the time to back away from her.

His indignant voice was raised above the clamour of the other students. “I didn’t do anything, I swear! He’s my boy now.” Kurt looked at him incredulously before shaking his head and turning back to Mercedes.

“He didn’t do anything ’Cedes. You shouldn’t worry so much.”

Mercedes deflated, and Puck, never one to quit while ahead, added, “All I asked him about was why he was so worried about the room arrangements!”

Kurt, who had regained his equilibrium, was once again at a loss as the members of New Directions turned to look at him. Mercedes and Finn were both gesturing for him to speak, and Kurt looked down at his hands for a moment to compose himself.

Drawing himself upright, he turned to face Puck. “I was worried about the room arrangements because of what happens when I sleep.” Cutting Puck off – as he was clearly getting the wrong idea – Kurt continued. “I talk. A lot. In my sleep. It’s all very loud and nonsensical, but Finn finds it amusing for some reason. If you aren’t used to me doing it, it’s startling – or so I’m told.”

Puck stared at him. “Dude, that’s it? Have you heard Finn snoring?” As the other glee kids chimed in, Kurt slowly started to relax. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

\---

Their hotel had obviously been a last minute addition to the trip; the Show Choir Nationals Board had been double-booked, leaving over half the teams stranded across town in various hotels. It was New Directions luck that they were among the last to arrive, and so received the last spots in the “Hotel Pennsylvania”, a two star hotel somewhere near the centre in which they were going to be performing the next day.

As the members of New Directions filed into the elevator (Mr. Schue was obviously thankful that they had been able to stay on the same floor), Kurt was feeling pretty good – even with the hassle of reloading their bags into the bus to make their way over.

That good feeling lasted just as long as it took to determine the hotel’s rating was optimistic at best. As Kurt began unpacking, he could hear Puck and Artie’s conversation in the next room rather clearly, and while Puck may have been a bit of a jerk, Artie wouldn’t have gone along with it. Even so, Kurt sighed, and spoke up, “Guys? Can you hear me?”

The conversation halted, and Artie’s voice sounded slightly confused as he answered, “Kurt? Is it just me or are the walls a little thin here?”

Kurt laughed a little, agreeing. “Can’t wait to impress you guys tonight,” he said, smiling at the snickered agreement through the wall before exiting the bathroom. He needed to change for dinner.

\---

Finn was wide awake when Kurt spoke, loud enough to be heard through the paper-thin walls of the hotel. He silently cursed. Even with Puck and everybody on either side of them aware of Kurt’s sleeptalking, he didn’t think it would end well. Kurt would be super embarrassed, and they would be divided by tomorrow’s competition – he really didn’t think Puck would be able to keep from bugging Kurt.

[“So I can’t swim. And I can’t climb like you. Okay? But I can make fire, and that's you fucked for a start. Fuck off back to the jungle. Jungle pussy! Wah wah wah...PUSSY!”](http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/audio/junglePussy.mp3) With that final utterance, Kurt jerked upright and awake.

Finn was giggling as quietly as he could, but Puck’s distinctive laughter erupted from behind the wall and he just lost it. Kurt looked at him helplessly, “Oh fuck.” That only spurred them on, more and more people joining in the general merriment.

Kurt groaned, and said, raising his voice a little, “Welcome to Finn’s world everybody” sort of shrugging, even as his face grew hot with embarrassment.

He dropped his face into his hands when Puck uttered reverently, “That was so cool!”

Finn tried to calm himself down, and started, “You were saying *giggle* You said – oohh – you said.” It was no use. He couldn’t stop laughing.

Kurt looked up at him and whispered, “I know what I said.”

Finn cleared his throat and told him solemnly, “Really loud – you yelled it.”

Kurt groaned. “Oh, no, did I?” Rubbing a hand over his face, he continued, “Whenever we go away now, we need to rent sound-proof rooms. It’s too much. I can handle you giggling next to me like a little girl –”  
He ignored Finn’s indignant “Hey!” and continued.

“But to have someone giggling in the next room makes me self-conscious.” He sighed, and then fell back onto the bed. Raising his voice again, he commented, “Show’s over folks. We’ll be here all week,” to the renewed merriment of those sleeping beside him.

Finn looked at him curiously. Where were the bitchy comments? The protective anger that he had encountered? “Dude – that’s it?” He was feeling almost let down.

Kurt opened his eyes, furrowing his brow. “What do mean, is that it? Was I supposed to get upset? Angry?” He gave a half-smile, “Finn, you told me yourself that I couldn’t control it, and well, those months of listening to myself give nonsensical speeches has kind of desensitized me to my embarrassment. Yes, I may hurt Puckerman tomorrow if he continually mocks me, but –” colour was rising in his cheeks again, “You helped me through it.”

Finn smiled lopsidedly. It had been a long road, but he felt like they had finally become brothers. “Hey, Kurt? I was thinking about putting up a blog about your sleeptalking and –” a pillow hit him in the face, and Kurt’s voice whisper-yelled through the hotel room.

“Finn! Under no circumstances are you going to put those recordings anywhere near the internet!”


End file.
